Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person
A healthy, loving relationship can enhance many aspects of your life, from your emotional and mental well-being to your physical health and overall happiness. For many of us, though, finding someone we want to share our lives with can seem like an impossible task. But donât despair, even if you have a history of relationships that donât last or if you feel burned out by traditional and online dating, you can still learn how to find lasting love .
Obstacles to finding lasting love
Life as a single person offers many rewards, including learning how to build a healthy relationship with yourself. However, if youâre ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also be very frustrating.
Finding the right romantic partner is often a difficult journey, for several reasons. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of short, abrupt relationships where you or your partner gets bored too soon, and you don’t know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past. It’s also possible you’re not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough to approach someone. Whatever the case may be, it’s important to believe that a healthy romantic relationship for you exists in the future.
It’s also important to recognize that relationships are never perfect and always require lots of work, compromise, and a willingness to resolve conflict in a positive way. To find and build any relationship worth keeping, you may need to start by re-assessing some of your misconceptions about dating and relationships that can prevent you from finding lasting love:
Common Myths About Dating and Looking for Love | |
Myth | Reality |
âI can only be happy and fulfilled if Iâm in a relationship.â or âItâs better to have a bad relationship than no relationship.â | While there are health benefits that come with being in a healthy relationship, many people can be just as happy and fulfilled without being part of a couple. Despite the stigma in some social circles that accompanies being single, itâs important not to enter a relationship just to âfit in.â Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. Nothing is as unhealthy and dispiriting as being in a bad relationship. |
âIf I donât feel an instant attraction to someone, itâs not a relationship worth pursuing.â | This is an important myth to dispel, especially if you have a history of making inappropriate choices. Instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. Emotions can change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become loversâif you give those relationships a chance to develop. |
âWomen have different emotions than men.â | Women and men feel similar things but sometimes express their feelings differently, often according to societyâs conventions. But both men and women experience the same core emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and joy. |
âTrue love is constant.â or âPhysical attraction fades over time.â | Love is rarely static, but that doesnât mean love or physical attraction is doomed to fade over time. As we age, both men and women have fewer sexual hormones but emotion often influences passion more than hormones, and sexual passion can become stronger over time. |
âIâll be able to change the things I donât like about someone.â | You canât change anyone. People only change if and when they want to change. |
âI didnât feel close to my parents, so intimacy is always going to be uncomfortable for me.â | Itâs never too late to change any pattern of behavior. Over time, and with enough effort, you can change the way you think, feel, and act. |
âDisagreements always create problems in a relationship.â | Conflict doesnât have to be negative or destructive. With the right resolution skills, conflict can also be an opportunity for growth in a relationship. |
Expectations about dating and finding love
When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of (often unrealistic) expectationsâsuch as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. However, retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.
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