My “Aha Moment” happened because of a package of meat. I asked my husband to stop by the store to pick up a few things for dinner on his way home, and when he got home, he brought the bag to me in the kitchen. I started pulling things out of the bag but realized he’d gotten the 70/30 meat – which means it’s 70% lean and 30% fat.
I got mad at my husband. I asked, “What’s this?” Looking confused, he replied, “meat.”
“You didn’t get the right kind,” I shouted.
“I didn’t?” He replied, looking sad. “Was there some other brand you wanted or something?”
“No. You’re missing the point, ” I screamed at him again.
“Oh. That’s all? I thought I’d really messed up or something,” He laughed.
And that’s it! I got mad! Why did he laugh? I launched into him. I berated him for not being smart. Why would he not get the more healthy meat?
As he sat there, bearing the brunt of my indignation and muttering responses like, “I never noticed, I really don’t think it’s that big of a deal,” and “I’ll get it right next time,” I saw his face gradually take on an expression that I’d seen on him a lot in recent times. It was a combination of resignation and demoralization. That’s when it hit me. “Why am I doing this to my own loving husband?”
I suddenly felt terrible. And embarrassed for myself. He was right. It really wasn’t anything to get bent out of shape over. And there I was doing just that. Over a silly package of meat that he dutifully picked up from the market to save me, his wife, some stress. If I had wanted him to by a specific kind of meat, I should have simply told him.
When did it become okay to talk to ones husband just anyhow? I am making some foolish mistake!
Soon, I started thinking about what I’d observed with my friends’ relationships, and things my girlfriends would complain about regarding their husbands, and I realized that I wasn’t alone.
It’s an easy stereotype to buy into. Look at the media. Movies, TV, advertisements – they’re all filled with images of hapless husbands and clever wives. We see them all the time. BUT THEY ARE BAD!
What constantly nagging our husband does is send a message to him that: “we don’t respect you. We don’t think you’re smart enough to do things right. We expect you to mess up. And when you do, you’ll be called out on it swiftly and without respect.”
The bottom line in all this is that I chose this man as my partner. He’s not my enemy. I married him because I love him and I believe together we can build a good life for ourselves and our kids.
It takes two to make a marriage. No one is always right and no one is always wrong. Ladies, we don’t have to always go all out for a eye-to-eye with our husband. If challenging your husband is your style then my candid advise for you is to drop that if you truly want to enjoy him. I know this… it’s the truth!
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